By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize