is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
