Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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