i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
