Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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