shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
