a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
