I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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