pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
