is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I deserve this hangover.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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