And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
