this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
