I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
