I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize