the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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