Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize