She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
