You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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