Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
