"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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