so that wasnt chicken after all
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
