listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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