Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
