I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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