I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
