great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
