I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
