dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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