So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
