I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
