Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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