Your face is a jimmy john
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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