I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize