I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
