This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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