Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
