I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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