I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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