Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
