Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
