I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
