I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
