break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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