Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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