my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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