3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
