STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
