she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
