Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
