Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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