I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
