i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
