Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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