When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
