I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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