I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
