I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
