i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
