so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
