Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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