That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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