and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
