I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
