New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
