Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
