I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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