Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
