not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
