Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
