Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
