I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
