i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Help. Why am I so naked?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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