I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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