Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
