i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
