She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
