Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
