I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
