My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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