I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
