I must be too annoying 4 u.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
