so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
