i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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