she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
