his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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