Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
there is glitter all over my balls
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
