the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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